Family History Pillows

'I'm only interested in locating wealthy relatives.'

Jimmy, Sixth-Generation Pain in the Ass.

'Heck, this is nothing, why when I was a kid, we'd have snow clear up to here.'

'I think you'll be interested in the next patient. He's ninety two years old and accompanied by his parents.'

'I'm trying to prove we're not related to the kids.'

'Dad, have you ever thought about researching our family tree?'

"And here I am at two years of age. Remember? Mom? Pop? No? Or how about this one. My first day of school. Anyone?"

'Here is my report card. For reference here is your report card, I found in the attic, when you were in the same grade.'

'I warned you, Oedipus, not everybody likes what they find when tracing their family tree.'

'Nuts, nuts, nothing but nuts!' When Squirrels Search Their Family Trees.

"Paying for a DNA test will be worth it if I find better relatives."

"My mom was a Holstein-Friesian, and my dad was the King of Diamonds."

'I traced your genealogy. Better have a seat.'

"Let's see now...genealogy books...genealogy books..."

"Your old Jewish mother with some pickled herring, sir. To remind you of your roots,"

The dna double helix, with a human family taking the place of the dna rungs.

"We don't need to go that far into your background."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Hey, look, grampa was a flip phone!"

"Didn't we look young when we were young."

'I'm tracing my relatives.'

"Grandpa, what was it like living off the grid for most of your life?"

Bob spent years tracking down his birth parents only to discover the awful truth. They lied. He had never been adopted.

Family Money - "I've been working on your family tree!"

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

Billy listened spell-bound as his grandfather told him magical tales about the adventures of his ancestors.

"This must be Grandma's facebook page!"

'You kids have it easy. In my day we didn't have glue sticks. We had to eat paste right out of the jar!'

'They're not out of focus. They're just fuzzy memories.'

'I really like these black and white pictures, Gramps. Did you Photoshop them?'

"Actually, Tommy, we're just about full-blooded management, except for your grandfather on your mom's side, who was one-quarter labor."

'I did our branch of the family tree. Turns out we're birch and northern pine.'

Pre-Ancestry.com

"Your face looks familiar too!"

AA: the next generation.