Family Historian Pillows

"Mum, please, tell me I take after your side the family."

'I'm trying to prove we're not related to the kids.'

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

'I always thought he lived in Margate?'

'I warned you, Oedipus, not everybody likes what they find when tracing their family tree.'

"Ma didn't want to leave out anyone."

"This family seems to multiply every year."

GENEALOGY - FAMILY TREE RESEARCH, 'Whoa! -- John Wilkes Booth AND Benedict Arnold?'

"Hey, look, grampa was a flip phone!"

'I traced your genealogy. Better have a seat.'

"We don't need to go that far into your background."

"Good news, Mr. Vanderfirth. We've traced your lineage back to a woman who lived in East Africa two hundred thousand years ago."

'Here's a picture of my mom before Photoshop!'

'How long did you intern with Grandma before you became a full-fledged Mom?'

'That's an ancestor of mine with her cool aerobics machine that also churned butter!'

"Actually, Tommy, we're just about full-blooded management, except for your grandfather on your mom's side, who was one-quarter labor."

Family crest

"I've forgotten what I want to be remembered for."

'I started a family tree too, but I gave it up fairly quickly: Way too many relatives...'

Ancestry tracing service agency using a time machine.

"Oh, I almost forgot, how's your new grandson?"

'I really like these black and white pictures, Gramps. Did you Photoshop them?'

Family Gathering.

The Christening Party

'No kings or noblemen, but you're descended from a guy whose cousin knew Benjamin Franklin's cook!'

"Oh, Granddad's home movies are pretty boring, but the crazy machine he uses is awesome!"

"It was a long afternoon with granddad. I got five 'I remember whens' and three 'When I was your age...'."

Send us $2.00, and we'll send you Your Family Tree

'And this must be your . . .'

Stairlift

"This is my grandma. She's 50+ years old."

To the best gran in the world.

A new generation.

'How long did you intern with Grandma before you became a full-fledged Mom?'

"Well he doesn't look like anyone from my side of the family."