Family Heritage Gifts

"Someday son, this will all belong to a post-apocalyptic dystopian future."

'That's an ancestor of mine with her cool aerobics machine that also churned butter!'

'Yeah, they're a bit big, but it's a family trait I'm proud of: My grandfather was 'Dumbo'!'

Family crest

"To my son, Timothy, I leave my inherited genetic heart disorders."

Shocking Scientific News! Plumber's crack IS hereditary.

'Undamaged, it would have been worth a small fortune...'

"...brisket ...recipe. Hide it."

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

A man and woman look at a statue of an older looking woman with a mixing bowl and apron titled "The Baleboosteh".

"My husband's ancestors did come over on the Mayflower. They scraped them off the bottom of the boat."

"And this is the wedding ring worn by my grandmother."

"Papi, why do we celebrate Memorial Day?"

"My great-uncle Lupe owned a barber shop! He made a lot of money!"

"Well, if you hear noises, pretend it's the ghost of your great-great-abuelita Salma roaming the house to keep watch over us."

"Son, once your grandma wore these shoes. I wore them after her, and now I will give them to you because I think they fit your dresses perfectly."

"Your father's family brought that vase over on the Mayflower. You're lucky it wasn't new!"

"I don't want to be a king like Dad - I want to be a pirate like Grandpa!"

"And this entire section is the obit of a very thorough genealogist."

'The only interesting thing your grandfather had was your grandmother.'

"According to the DNA sample sent to 23andMe, you're 51% Scandinavian, 35% German, 14% British, and the father of 1,253 'Little Helpers'."

'Do you get your good looks from your mother or your father?'

Arab Man: 'One day Son,this will all be yours.'

'I think we're losing sight of our roots.'

"We could repair this one of a kind globe that has been in the family for many generations or just throw it away."

"Alright everyone, let's get serious."

'...your father has also bequeathed your Grandfather;s place on the allotment waiting list to you, as he hoped that one day a family member may get allocated a plot'

I work for the hoisery mill my grandfather founded. So stockings run in my family!

A caveman kid sees his ancestor in a museum exhibit

"Mum, Grandma's just been on Antiques Roadshow...."

"Growing old ain't for sissies, but at least I got to do all my lame-brained, half-witted stuff before the internet!"

"Son when I'm gone, all this will be yours!"

Have you even thought of having children, Randy? Of course. I come from a long line of perfect specimens. Each successive generation is more charming, more virile, more irresistible than the last. HOJ. Logic dictates that I am not the end result, I am but a link in the evolutionary chain of Randies. I must reproduce eventually, for the sake of all mankind. How about you? I come from a long line of corporate overlords, each greedier than the last ...

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'