Afterlife Speculators Gifts

"Well, according to the scuttlebutt we're dead."

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Surgery up here is free!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

'It's sad in a way -- just when he was declaring victory.'

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

"Only one of my lives was a bowl of cherries."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

'Maximising shareholder value doesn't count.'

'You certainly lived a remarkable life. Any chance you'll get over yourself?'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

Postcards from Heaven...

"Imagine There's No Heaven. It's Easy If You Try..."

A Male Angel throwing his Halo as a Frisbee for his Dog to catch.

Gates of heaven

"As we're here for eternity, I expected at least a television."

"Oh nooo, we can't skip church. Why, we'll just sleep when we're dead!"

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'Even down here we never lose our sense of humor!'

"Yes, this is heaven - but we need some source of funding, too."

Post-psychoanalysis

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"We use the proceeds to help offset the cost of your eternal salvation."

'You still can't take it with you, but we now offer cloud storage for intellectual properties.'

"Hey! You were that old sourpuss who worked at the motor vehicles department!"