Spiritual Speculator Gifts

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

"Good game."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

Road sign: 'No Passing Zone... This, too, shall pass.'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'Wow! -- Talk about a paradigm shift!'

'Don't just sit there thinking. Meditate.'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

'The meaning of life is dog food.'

"Needs to get a life"

"All we have left is standing room only."

Zenemies.

Tiny Visions

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

My God, I need to fart.

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

A man deflates and dissolves into the ground and becomes a flower.

"Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?"

"I see you're back from church. What was cherry-picked for you today?"

'Everything is illusory? -- Even reality shows?'

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'