Tech Speculator Gifts

"In the tech sector, markets reacted strongly to news that ToadNoggle would acquire Zeepzer, ending rumors of a hostile takeover by FiffleBunny."

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

I.T. Fear

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

Privacy

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

'I wonder how this is going to affect the market?'

Domestic Spying Drones

Big Brother.

"Tarzan no want computer."

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

"To 'click to enter' or not to 'click to enter'… that is the question."

"You can't believe everything the Russian bots tell you."

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

Diner is served

'These bitcoins things are backed by technology and the internet! What could possibly go wrong?'

'Why worry about intrusive electronic surveillance. If you've done nothing wrong, you should have nothing to hide!'

'Here's a picture of my mom before Photoshop!'