Universe Speculator Gifts

Sell the Universe !

'But what is the universe for?'

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

God Sneezes Out Creation

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

The Origins of Everything

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"Stargazing sure is less painful at night."

Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy? It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline. Well

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

"I've been supporting life for billions of years! You'd think they'd be supporting themselves by now!"

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'I wonder how this is going to affect the market?'

"Shall we put it in play?"

"What the hell happened to this town?"

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

Astronaut stumbles upon a weird space anomaly.

"All in all, I'd say it's a pretty convincing explication of chaos theory."

'Now this is a fabulous strategy that has worked flawlessly every year, except for those when it failed miserably.'

"This just in; the Sun has exploded. Further developments in eight minutes."

"Facts are good, but we need all the rumors, gossip, and speculation to fully understand the situation."

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'Let me know when they figure out that it isn't flat.'

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

'Who was there to hear the Big Bang?'

Department of Pure Speculation.

'I still contend that we live in a finite universe.'

Wall Street Down

'If the Sun doesn't explode in five billion years, do you realize how foolish we'll look?'

'What? -- I send you all this great sunlight, and you waste it growing PROTOPLASM?'