Secretive Speculator Gifts

'Hello, is that Ace Stockbrokers?'

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

'I wonder how this is going to affect the market?'

"What the hell happened to this town?"

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

'Now this is a fabulous strategy that has worked flawlessly every year, except for those when it failed miserably.'

"Facts are good, but we need all the rumors, gossip, and speculation to fully understand the situation."

Department of Pure Speculation.

Wall Street Down

'I see you worked in government research - what kind?'

Stock Market Adventure

"Some say we can't go on making millions forever, but I think they're wrong!"

"Now do you see, Betty, what a little luck, a few sound investments and the shameless inflation of corporate profits through bogus transactions can buy."

"That? - oh my husband - a closet bricklayer."

Captain Pointy's New Sidekick

They lean more of how the universe began, but can't tell me where the market will end.

We try to keep our jam making expertise quiet!

"No one knows what he does, but it's rumored that he's the guy who sets global oil prices."

'What I want you to do is spot any mistakes before I make them.'

The tumbling dice...

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

'Been toying with commodities again, have we?'

"In the tech sector, markets reacted strongly to news that ToadNoggle would acquire Zeepzer, ending rumors of a hostile takeover by FiffleBunny."

Sell the Universe !

'Gesundheit.'

"When do we all start frantically buying gold again?"

To complete your withdrawal, select denomination. $20's $10's Heads Tails

'On days when the stock market suffers sharp losses... it's best not to mention in recovery.'

'I see your investments going up but it's not clear which ones or when.'

'Stocks dropped on news Greenspan's memoirs will contain no insider trading information...'