Spiritual Gambler Gifts

I'm going to say my prayers. Should I play the same lotto numbers?

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

'If you can't control your temper,sister,you shouldn't be playing this game!'

"I'll see your two and raise you three."

Golfing with God.

'You should take one -- you could only improve your hand.'

STRIP Hambone: Betting on horse racing with the company payroll

"I'd get out of the volatile, capricious, irritating stock market. . . but I might miss out on further gains."

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

Thanks God!

'A wonderful sermon, father; I liked the part about a time to sew and a time to reap. When would you say I should cover the naked December calls I sold last month?'

'Twas the night after Christmas.

"Trevor's nose is running."

Welcome to Las Vegas - a faith-based community.

'I'll take Tommy Peters to cry first, for a nickel.'

Vending machines at work: Snacks, Coffee, Glimmer of Hope

'Look at the bright side, it's better to have loved money and lost than never to have invested at all.'

'Yeah, I tried that once.'

Good and Evil: The Human Video Game

'You won't need those up here. He can't stand golf.'

"How long have you been wasting our money on lottery tickets?"

He dropped ten quid.

'I know it's a long shot but wouldn't it be worth hanging on until after the wednesday lottery draw?'

"Every hand I draw is a royal flush! This really is heaven!"

"...I know it's Monday morning, but I'm too tired for work!"

Hop-scotching monk.

"I thought you said risk taking was okay?" 'Not putting the pension fund on Lucky Lady to win."

'I chose the jockeys wearing the prettiest colours and I'm doing better than him!'

Gambling in Heaven - Losing your halo.

"I'd like 13,983,816 lottery tickets please..."

"The longer we can keep them gambling, the more they lose."

Speculators

A lucky bloke finds a winning lottery ticket, just as a meteor is about to hit him - 'Wow, a winning lottery ticket! What are the odds?'

"Here's that lottery ticket I told you about! I matched all but five numbers! And I bought it on Thursday instead of Tuesday! Other than that, I would have won!"