Advice Skeptics Gifts

10 love tips from experts to you

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

The suggestion box.

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

"You atheists wouldn't exist without God!"

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

'Have you two taken the COSMO 'compatibility test'?'

New from Low-Key Press.

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"This report says a happy workforce is a productive workforce, but I need more proof before I go changing everything around."

"We'll up your medication and with any luck your delusions should significantly reduce!"

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

"It's a beautiful ring. She'll definitely pause for a moment before saying no."

"This'll show the Theology Department."

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

'Love gets the credit, but business makes the world go round.'

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

Judgment Day is coming next Monday. Repent. Now, hold on. How can I believe you when so many dire prophecies haven't come true? I sealed myself in a shelter twice in the late '60s, hid in the Appalachian Mountains a decade later. A huge bunching of Judgment Day visions in the late '80s led me to simply get a time share in the Colorado mountains … Getting out of town doesn't spare you Judgment Day. I don't think. Lemme double-check the clues in Marmaduke. Mostly I needed an excuse to get away. Th

Suggestions Box

Crystal Ball Plug

COVID tips from Wild Animals

Live, laugh, love

'Don't believe everything you read.'

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

"I'm sorry, Tom, you'll have to come in. I can't diagnose just from your tweets!"

Egomaniacs Anonymous - "There's nothing anonymous about me!"

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."