Suggestion Skeptic Gifts

The suggestion box.

Suggestions Box

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"God works in mysterious ways."

Alternative Medicine

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

Man sees hug capsules: 'Not to be taken Orally.'

'Too much Omega 3.'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

Low self esteem workshop - 'You missed it. It finished two hours ago, you useless pillock.'

Time Clock.

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"Now don't expect any miracles. I'm only a para-scientist."

"If they de-regulate this place, we wouldn't have to do all those boring scientific tests."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

'I was born with math immunity, so I'm special. I know that.'

A shrink charges $200 an hour, but double chocolate layer cake is only $19.95.

Suggestion box.

"Sometimes I wonder about what our patients have to take."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

"Oh, I know He works in mysterious ways, but if I worked that mysteriously I'd get fired."

"I totally meant to do that."

"I'm putting you on a stronger placebo."

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

'First of all, I'm taking you off the iron supplements.'

GOP presidental candidates on science!: 'Billions for astrollogers! Zero for astronomers!' s

'It's just a conspiracy by scientists to get funding.'

Right now my brother Al is paying a psychiatrist a hundred bucks an hour to hear his troubles, while I'm drinking beer and telling you mine at happy hour prices. Obviously, Al IS the crazy one.