Medical Advice Skeptic Gifts

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

When it comes to health issues, I'd rather listen to a physician than a spin doctor.

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"Loss of libido? Have you considered Husband Replacement Therapy?"

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

"I'm sorry, Tom, you'll have to come in. I can't diagnose just from your tweets!"

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

Myth Diagnosis

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'