Medical Advice Skeptic Pillows

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

"I'm sorry, Tom, you'll have to come in. I can't diagnose just from your tweets!"

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

Myth Diagnosis