Health Advice Skeptic Pillows

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

'Extreme acupuncture.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

Toilet roll beauty tips.

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"Your medical insurance doesn't cover 'Acts of God' like illness"

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'