Health Advice Debunker Pillows

"In health news, everything you thought was good for you is now bad for you."

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

Well, there you go. I guess it isn't "Feed a cold, starve a fever."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

"My doctor told me to get outdoors more, so now I put on more yard sales."

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

Weight Loss Clinic: 100% guaranteed.

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

I'll sleep better if I only drink one cup of coffee a day.

This is Dr. Sadie. What's your question, caller? How can I tell if my cold is really bronchitis? Stop yer sniveling. In my day, a body would hope it was bronchitis. It gave you a chance to prove your grit! Nothing like a touch of burning pain, wheezing, and crackling in the chest to separate the women from the girls. What kind of doctor are you, again?

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

"Stop watching ladies beach volleyball for a while."

'You're fat. I'm putting you on a diet.'

'The truth is there is no 'Youth Formula' worth millions. This is Mountain Dew.'

"Stop reading this stupid paper."

'Well, Mrs. Gilner, comparing the numbers, everything looks great. Your cholesterol is right in line, blood pressure good... you're definitely as healthy as a horse.'

"Your next fattened kid could be your last."

Obese guy looking a shelf labelled 'Free Fat Food'.

'The Surgeon-General today advised everybody to turn the TV off and go take a walk.'

Everything's a joke to you Fuscos! Even water retention! ??

"Where on earth did you read that alcohol is good for you?"

"You're retaining water. Stop eating sponge cake."

'The doctor said I should cut down on my alcohol intake, so I've stopped eating wine gums.'

"My mom said I can't come here anymore." "What? Why not, Billy?" "She said she sends me here to get hot chocolate, not to get bad relationship advice." "What 'bad' advice? All my advice is solid gold." "You told me to call the IRS with an anonymous tip about Andrea Wheaton's father avoiding taxes, so next time he tells her I'm a bad influence he'll look like a hypocrite." "That didn't work?"

'Dr.Davis was beginning to wish that he'd taken a little more care in wording his advert.'

Entrance Exam for the Mildred School of Medicine

You can't just claim your scones may reduce risk of heart attack. Why not? Tons of food makers do it. You just have to find a scientific authority to back you up. And that's what you did. Darn right. Don't wake up if the oatmeal may cure blindness. Dr. Nutrition. Zzzz.