Medical Skeptics Pillows

"And if Ooh, Eeh, Ooh Ah Ah doesn't work, we'll try Walla Walla Bing Bang."

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Your test results are in...now the interpretations can begin."

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

Celebrity Phrenologist.

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

In a career limiting move, Reginald decided to give Albert's latest theory some frank and fearless feedback.

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"I don't think this is doing me any good."

"Are you sure you don't want to try just one miracle drug before you die?"

"I'll let you in on a little secret -- every pill on these shelves is a placebo, and I have no formal training."

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

"Firstly, have you ever had an appendix out before?"

Myth Diagnosis

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Your employer's health plan automatically cancels your coverage once you get sick.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

"Huh! Never a miracle vaccine when you want one - then three come along at the same time - bloody typical!"