Health Advice Skeptics Gifts

'Dr.Davis was beginning to wish that he'd taken a little more care in wording his advert.'

'The Surgeon-General today advised everybody to turn the TV off and go take a walk.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'There's nothing wrong with him-just delusions of glandular.'

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"He's so anti-regulation he won't even take a laxative."

'Look, half the work is done! All you need to do is fill in the top part so we can legally say the bottom part.'

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

"Wellness clinics, stress-management checkups, hypertension screenings, lab tests, crisis after crisis. Fibre foods, fish-oil capsules, unsaturated spreads, plaque. Say what they may, McCormack, we did it our way."

'You are talking about health? Ha! My cig does not have calories, fat, cholesterol, carbohydrates and sugar!'

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

The council wanted us to have a Healthy Lifestyle Monitor

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

'Extreme acupuncture.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'Coins, when swallowed, cause cancer. Perhaps money should be banned.'

Toilet roll beauty tips.

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'Sorry, our HMO doesn't approve treatments of 'owies'.'

'I recommend a second opinion so the HMO won't second guess me.'

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

'Can I trust a Doctor whose prescriptions have absolutely no side effects?'

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

Forget Your Worries at Velton Corners, Spa.

'Well you were warned about the dangers of sedentary lifestyle.'

Doctor, I looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead. Don't believe everything you read on the net.

'You are on a sickie you skiving little...'

"If exercise is so good for you, how come athletes retire at 35?"

'Of course you can have a second opinion. Let's just hope he gets here in time.'

"Why should I want to add years to my life when they all come at the end?"

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"