Advice Critic Gifts

'You need a bigger pole.'

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

'In general, do the right thing.'

The Freedom of the Press is Worth Fighting For!

Your ad here!

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

CATCHY NAME

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

"And what would the, Truth-in-Advertising tribunal, want to speak to old Rudy about?"

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

"We're at the Grand Marina Hotel in Barcelona. Some sheepdog you turned out to be."

Seatback in upright position, fasten safety belt, listen closely...prepare to be bombarded with promotional advertising through the rest of the flight!

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

"To be honest, it's the same stuff just in different bottles!"

Posters of the Sahara

"C'mon, Hillary – just answer the question!"

"We upped the protein by simply factoring in the permissible level of insect parts."

'We don't need helicopter vision, Manfred. We need a helicopter.'

'The secret to staying in business, Wilson, is making something that's needed. Profit!'

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

Dodgy Marketing

'Helen! I'm all settled in and I don't want to get up. Would you get the remote for me?'

'We believe it was at THIS point that the species became extinct.'

Adjusted sales pitch: 'Congratulations! You may already be a non-winner.'

"But is it art?"

"Why is that? Are you not confident that you'd be able to do it properly?"

"We've checked, and it's fine with women."