Financial Advice Critic Gifts

'My investment advice is to relax, stop and smell the roses, dig up the roses, bury a million dollars beneath the roses.'

"DeepSeek" "Stargate"

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

We can't call the doctor, we can't call the nurse, we have to call the lady with the alligator purse.

"You never actually own a pension pot - you merely look after it for the next government."

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'Diversify, diversify, diversify. Never keep all your eggs in one basket, unless it's Easter.'

'You've come a long way with your anger this year. In fact, I feel that you are ready to meet a special friend of mine...'

"But they told me I was too big to fail."

Trickledown economics

World Financial Mafia

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

'If you had more criminal potential, you'd get a bonus like all the other investment bankers!'

If you're so good at picking winning stocks, why do you still have to work?

'George, are you responsible for chopping down this here World Economy?'

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

Mismanagement at the Bank of England

"I didn't realise we were applying for another loan... I thought you were a marriage guidance counsellor!"

Doctor to man: 'You'll need to empty your pockets. For symbolic purposes, let's start with your wallet.'

"The only psychological treatment covered by your insurance is to cry into this teddy bear."

"For my dad's birthday, I'm giving him free advice on which tech stocks to buy."

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

FIRST NATIONAL BANK OF, 'It's official, sir - EVERYBODY'S overdrawn!'

Where HMO's are headed

'You're a bad credit risk so, yes, of course you can have some money.'

"If you hold it up to your ear you can hear the sloshing sound of trillions of dollars worth of unsecured debt."

'I'm sorry, but without a significant deposit, we can't give you a mortgage.'

"Let's begin with an x-ray of your portfolio."

'They say a fool and his money are soon parted. Here's a list of fools. Make it happen.'

'Let me get this straight, Reverend. You would now like to diversify the Church's 'No Sin' endowment to include some 'Greed'?'

'I did everything I could...within your price range, that is.'