Advice Critic Pillows

'You need a bigger pole.'

'I know one of my shoulders is lower than the other. It's because my father's guiding hand is always on that shoulder.'

'In general, do the right thing.'

The Freedom of the Press is Worth Fighting For!

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

Your ad here!

Whistler's father.

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

CATCHY NAME

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

"This bedtime story is brought to you by your good friends at the toy shop."

"If you see this as motherly advice, we have a whole new subject to explore."

"And what would the, Truth-in-Advertising tribunal, want to speak to old Rudy about?"

'Which channel would you like to tut at tonight?'

'Have you considered getting a life-coach?'

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

"We're at the Grand Marina Hotel in Barcelona. Some sheepdog you turned out to be."

'I'm death for goodness sake - why do I have to adopt a more healthy lifestyle?'

Seatback in upright position, fasten safety belt, listen closely...prepare to be bombarded with promotional advertising through the rest of the flight!

"We upped the protein by simply factoring in the permissible level of insect parts."

Posters of the Sahara

"To be honest, it's the same stuff just in different bottles!"

"C'mon, Hillary – just answer the question!"

'We don't need helicopter vision, Manfred. We need a helicopter.'

'The secret to staying in business, Wilson, is making something that's needed. Profit!'

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

"We've checked, and it's fine with women."

'Helen! I'm all settled in and I don't want to get up. Would you get the remote for me?'

"But is it art?"

"Do you suffer from bald spots? Try 'Branches in a Can'!!"

Adjusted sales pitch: 'Congratulations! You may already be a non-winner.'

"Why is that? Are you not confident that you'd be able to do it properly?"

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Send your questions to asksadie@rudypark.com. Dear Ask Sadie, My mom is always nagging me to clean my room. I don't see why I should have to. I like it the way it is. I don't nag at her for having a clean room, because I know that's how she likes it. How can I get her to just let me be me? - Unhappy at Home. Excellent question. The thing is, it's your mother's job to shape you into a respectable person. If you think "being you" includes being dirt

I don't want to buy anything. I don't want to upgrade. Watch this! What are you doing? Looking at an ad for the new Mac laptop. My heart's not racing! What's wrong with me?! It is sleek.