Consulting Critic Pillows

"Our management consultant has recommended we employ another management consultant to explore cutting the budget we have for management consultants."

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

'I said, how do you like my new communication tool?'

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"The audience is really classy tonight, they are throwing quail eggs."

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

'Don't hesitate to critize me, Herb, whenever I think I am wrong.'

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

'We don't need helicopter vision, Manfred. We need a helicopter.'

"He's a mental-health critic."

"I owe you an apology. When you bought that muzzle, I was mad because I assumed you bought it for your dog."

"Mrs. Stiltz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask..."

"Dumb it down or sex it up."

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

Free Speech has heavy price.

"This conversation is being performed in front of a live audience."

"But is it art?"

Critics In Love

"We had to lay off most of the staff to pay for the consultants."

"I don't want it to look like I don't appreciate your qualifications and experience, but you're talking a lot of crap."

Minimalist Art

Fat Reduction Clinic.

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

Isolated fits of enthusiasm erupt at the annual I don't know I just work here convention.

'I am becoming a jerk. Get a memo to all departments.'

'Stocks dipped on the news that the manufacturing . . .'

"He's been told he has to cut down on using meaningless 'management speak'...which is causing him a lot of problems...as it's the only language he knows!"

'Mr Slickovitz will now brief you on corporate creole!'

If the world is getting smaller, how come the postal rates keep going up?