Acupressure Gifts

'Relaxing with accupressure is easy. Press here, here, here and here, and order take-out.'

Needle Toilet.

Self help acupuncture

Marimba

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

Triangle

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

Jazz is Invented

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

Ginger Baker.

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

'By the way, dear - you have an appointment with the acupuncturist tomorrow.'

"Every Thursday I do her nails."

What're you doing today, Darlene? Power relaxing. 9 to 10:15 I'm reading the paper. 10:20 to 11:30 I'm getting my nails done while reading Catch 22 for my books club. 11:45 to 1, I'm eating lunch, catching up on calls, paying bills then kicking back on the couch from 1 to 1:15. The afternoon is sheer bliss. Yoga from 2-3, Pilates from 3-4, massage from 4-5, meditation 5-6. Now move. Please now! You're interfering with my relaxing. How the type-A spend their Sundays. 10:02, bathroom break. Everyo

'Either play faster or get out the band.'

'If you don't stop biting your nails, you're going to ruin your teeth.'

"I told you to stop biting your nails."

The Manicure.

Acupuncture clinic

The Gong

"The guy's a natural!"

Witch Doctor

Playing dustbins

'Don't you just love that rap music!'

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

Level up your game with a MANicure.

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

'Frank, it's water.'

'Extreme acupuncture.'

"I'm delighted that you feel better, but I'd go easy on those backflips!"