Acupressure Gifts

'Relaxing with accupressure is easy. Press here, here, here and here, and order take-out.'

Needle Toilet.

Self help acupuncture

Marimba

Triangle

Bad Timbre: the world's first Garage Philharmonic Orchestra

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Oh, Mrs. Horris, he just said his first words..!"

Jazz is Invented

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

'By the way, dear - you have an appointment with the acupuncturist tomorrow.'

"Every Thursday I do her nails."

'Either play faster or get out the band.'

'If you don't stop biting your nails, you're going to ruin your teeth.'

Playing dustbins

Level up your game with a MANicure.

"The guy's a natural!"

Acupuncture clinic

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

The Manicure.

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"I told you to stop biting your nails."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

The Gong

'Don't you just love that rap music!'

'Extreme acupuncture.'

'Frank, it's water.'

"I'm delighted that you feel better, but I'd go easy on those backflips!"

"Ed can't figure out if we're having our nails waxed and our faces painted, or our nails painted and faces waxed."

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"