Academic Hopeful Gifts

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Would a beard make me look more academic?"

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

'I really crammed last night.'

"Sorry mum, but I just don't get the decimal system..."

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

'So what are you studying, young man?'

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

"Is there any way I could get a dashboard instead of a report card?"

"Maybe he's so sad that he's leaving us to go to college that he actually looks happy. Please don't ruin it for me with reality."

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

National Academy of Sport

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

Yahoo! What's that about? She got into the college of her choice. Which college is it? Not sure. She chose to apply to 37. West Fester High School.

'It's my application to Harvard...'

'And from this point follow me very carefully.'

'I had no idea there would be a test.'

"Sure, I pray all the time... English test, Math test, History test...."

The Giamatti era

Good luck in your A Levels.

"Enjoy university darling, and don't come back during the holidays, we're going to air BnB your room."

Baseball players and their qualifications.

Teacher boxing book: 'As I told you, today we're gonna really hit the books!'

'That piggy bank is for my college fund.'

You got into the college of my choice, and I got into the college of your choice. Now if we could just work something out...

"Oh, my, I can tell—everybody in there has read Barbara Tuchman."

"First I'm getting a Bachelor's Degree, the a Master's Degree, then a Doctor's Degree!"

I got into the college everyone wants to go to! Well played. It's the perfect fit for me! Way to go! Eco-Club. Which one is it? Dunno. Why do you care? So I don't apply there!