Zodiac Aficionado Gifts

'Are you sure that's right, only we Sagittarians aren't usually that ambitious.'

'I see you visiting the statue of liberty during a snowstorm... Oh wait.'

2019 Chinese New Year of the Pig

Aries/ram

"You're a Pisces, aren't you?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

Planting by the Moon.

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

The Inner Dog.

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

"As an astronomer, this discovery heralds a new golden age of academic fervor for mathematicians and astrophysicists across the globe. As a Sagittarius, I'm fucked."

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

"So, what is your star sign?"

Year of the Rat

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

Monster Horrorscopes

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

'Oh my... It looks like you have only 24 hours left to live...'

"I used to believe in astrology, UFO's, reincarnation, ESP, and all that stuff - in a former life, of course."

"I'd be a lot more comfortable with a Pisces."

'Yeah, I'm a trife scorpio - what of it?'

Eve makes a discovery with far reaching ramifications. Our star signs aren't compatible.

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

Fortune Tellers Convention

'...and I see dozens, no, hundreds of dirty socks lying on the floor! And I see windowless cars filled with injured squirrels and blind cats, who take you to an oasis of bacon bits...'

As space walking astronaut vacuums dust particles: 'Houston, we see to have the cosmic dust problem under control.'

"So tell me what's your sign?"

'Dr. Hall's horoscope says not to tamper with another person's heart, so he's postponing your bypass surgery until next week.'

Man convinced by a flattering character sketch

'I'm a Pisces.'

"It's my New Year!"