Zodiac Aficionado Pillows

'Are you sure that's right, only we Sagittarians aren't usually that ambitious.'

'I see you visiting the statue of liberty during a snowstorm... Oh wait.'

Jennifer Lopez

2019 Chinese New Year of the Pig

Aries/ram

"You're a Pisces, aren't you?"

'I sense that someone is about to swindle you.' 'Wow, thanks for the warning! How much do I owe you?'

'It wouldn't work - you're Leo and I'm Sagittarius.'

Planting by the Moon.

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

'Horoscope, stay indoors and keep your mouth shut.' 'So, no dentist.'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

"Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, for richer or poorer, in sickness or in health, when Jupiter is in his 6th house or Saturn is in his 2nd, until death do you part?"

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

The Inner Dog.

"So, what is your star sign?"

Monster Horrorscopes

Year of the Rat

"As an astronomer, this discovery heralds a new golden age of academic fervor for mathematicians and astrophysicists across the globe. As a Sagittarius, I'm fucked."

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

"We're not compatible. I'm a Virgo and your an idiot..."

It says, you're going to meet a nice Pisces for a romantic dinner.

'Oh my... It looks like you have only 24 hours left to live...'

"I used to believe in astrology, UFO's, reincarnation, ESP, and all that stuff - in a former life, of course."

'Yeah, I'm a trife scorpio - what of it?'

'Don't you think it's strange that all snakes are Aries, Taurus or Gemini...?'

Al, you look nonplussed. I just heard that they discovered a new astrological sign, and my birthday now falls under the sign of the jackass.

Eve makes a discovery with far reaching ramifications. Our star signs aren't compatible.

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

"I'd be a lot more comfortable with a Pisces."

Fortune Tellers Convention

"So tell me what's your sign?"

Man convinced by a flattering character sketch

"It's my New Year!"

'...and I see dozens, no, hundreds of dirty socks lying on the floor! And I see windowless cars filled with injured squirrels and blind cats, who take you to an oasis of bacon bits...'