Zen Motorist Gifts

Turmoil change.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Remember, it's about the journey, not the destination. But sure, I'll keep an eye out for a rest area.

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

2 + 2 = 4. 2 x 2 = 4. Oh, I get it! It's a Zen thing!

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

Enlightened Cursing

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

Working from OM.

Ned's Northingness: All the Nothing You Need To Achieve Mindfulness

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

"I used to be a young crazy rebel like you you know."

Zen Litter Box

'Frankly I'm all meditated out.'

'Now close your eyes and visualize our upcoming softball game against the elm street zen center and kicking their sorry behinds.'

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

'At least with math and physics you sometimes find the answer.'

'Lost in the Jungle I found this Buddhist retreat...'

Great. What do I get the man who already HAS nothing? It's a birthday party.

"Enigmas happen. Relax for goodness sake."

"You’ll get nothingness and like it."

'Mr Gottlieb recently read one of those books on Japanese management techniques.'

Ignorance and Bliss

"The meaning of life is location, location, location."

"I'm hoping to sell my startup - a chain of fast-food meditation centers - to Google for seven figures."

'OK, Now let's see your Downward Dog'.'

"I just attained enlightenment! - Gimme a high-five!"

He's been like that for hours - I think he's binge meditating.

It's a new year, little buddy. What are you going to do to make the most of it? Throw out the old to make room for the new. Very deep, little buddy. I'm a deep person. If the big-screen tv I got on Black Friday is a whole month old, I'm Zen enough to just breathe ... and let it go, on eBay. Want to hear my Zen mantra? Luckily, I stopped listening 30 seconds ago.

"We're making exiting advances in alternative car care."