Youthful Teacher Admirer Gifts

"My new teacher is young. Now, I have to retire my standard response of, 'OK Boomer.'"

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

'I don't care if Jackson Pollock did start out this way. We are drawing kittens.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'This part was tenure.'

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

Empty Headed Schoolboy

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"I don't like a school year that begins with 'while you were out'."

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

"I'd say hi to my favorite teacher, but I think she's enjoying some quiet remote-from-us learning."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

Principal to teacher with trap door below her desk: 'The board thinks people teach better under pressure.'

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

'He's the teacher's pet. She keeps him in a cage in the back of the class.'

'I was going to teach them the meaning of life ... but it wasn't on the test.'

'I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson, but when you've become as excellent of a teacher as you are, you've forfeited your right to retire.'

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

"There's the bell for respite. . . I mean, recess."

"I asked the parents to get involved more and now they're home-schooling."

A Lesson in Leadership: Misplacing your keys isn't a problem, unless you have to enlist the whole school's support to find them.

It could be worse -- there could be 35 teachers for every student

'I want you to text message 100 times, 'I will not text message in class.''

'A hidden cost of implementing common core standards in education...'

"I've never heard of a PE teacher giving football homework."

"If they add one more mandatory standardized test... we'll have to lengthen the school year!"

Dunking

"If you wish to see your artwork displayed, don't forget your bio."

'The halcyon days of an apple for the teacher are a distant memory.'

Welcome to summer school.