Teacher's Favorite Gifts

'I started out as a teacher's pet, and then it kind of snowballed.'

'He's the teacher's pet. She keeps him in a cage in the back of the class.'

Uncle demonstrating chemical experiments to children

'Your classroom management techniques work in practice but not in theory. That worries me.'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"I figure I have about 20 years of school to go."

'If 'x' is unknown, why should I rock the boat?'

Math Teacher

'This part was tenure.'

Spring To Do List: Teach, Testing, Testing,Test Some More. . .

Empty Headed Schoolboy

'They say my tests are too hard. Maybe I should switch from Essay to Connect-the-Dot.'

"I was a primary school teacher. What did you do?"

"Guess what. School is presented without commercial interruption."

"I don't like a school year that begins with 'while you were out'."

'Here's another email from a parent, written in lower case with no punctuation and seventeen spelling errors, demanding we do a better job of teaching social skills.'

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

'Hmmm, everyone seems to have prepared for the exam except for Thomas who's making a long face now.'

"I'd say hi to my favorite teacher, but I think she's enjoying some quiet remote-from-us learning."

"Tell me again how many young minds I will have shaped by the end of my teaching career."

'No Mis Evans. You know only substitute teachers are allowed to carry taser guns!'

I will not waste chalk kid...

'The principal is keeping my teacher after school. She kicked the computer.'

'I was going to teach them the meaning of life ... but it wasn't on the test.'

Principal to teacher with trap door below her desk: 'The board thinks people teach better under pressure.'

'I'm sorry Mrs. Jackson, but when you've become as excellent of a teacher as you are, you've forfeited your right to retire.'

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

"That's excellent, Caroline!"

'It has cut down on note-passing, glancing at fellow students' test papers and spitballs.'

You wouldn't believe the screams of joy I hear when I announce a school closing...and that's just the teachers!

'It actually stands for 'substitute' but it keeps the children in line.'

"I can tell you're an excellent teacher."

A Lesson in Leadership: Misplacing your keys isn't a problem, unless you have to enlist the whole school's support to find them.

"I asked the parents to get involved more and now they're home-schooling."

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