Youth Baseball Enthusiast Gifts

'Don't be nervous, Connor. Dig in at the plate, keep your eye on the ball, swing level...and if you strike out, just throw your helmet and blame it all on the ump.'

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"I AM at my usual position."

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

350 Feet.

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Perils of the double play.

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

Sheltering in place.

"Think of me as the designated sitter."

Vendor selling testosterone.

'OK, now let's switch places.'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'Marm doesn't understand, 'I've got it, I've got it'.'

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

"Try letting the ball come to you."

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

Extra innings.

"Slugger goes yard!!!"

Goodbye Opiate of the Masses

I watched an erotic thriller last night. Have you heard of the film 'Field of Dreams'?

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."