Baseball Enthusiast Gifts

"I love you. We all love you. Now throw some strikes."

Strikeout Dog

'Ssssssh! There it is again. Hear that? It sounds like a muffled scream.'

'Don't rush me! I need some time to process everything.'

"Dear, there's someone here to collect your soul."

"Are you sure you used human growth hormone?"

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

"Let's show Mr. Steinbrenner what you can do."

'Irwin! Get your elbow up!...Good! Now twirl the bat, lift your foot up, put one hand on top of your helmet, stick out your tongue and hop like a rabbit.'

"My client, age 87, will claim age discrimination if he's not allowed to play."

'I'm afraid your lifestyle has caught up with my body.'

1B, 2B, 3B and home plate.

'I know you struck out the first 26 batters, Fernando, but the computer says we have to take you out.'

'It's a text message from Jeff at home plate, It says, 'Heads up' ,,,I think he's kidding, but there's no smiley face,'

'Whoa! Time out. The loud guy in the white shirt is right - that was a ball. My mistake. Sorry everyone. Thank you, sir.'

"Couldn't I be doing this online?"

'I have to convince him it's not going to ruin his macho image if he bunts.'

"The hero of the game was a heroine."

'Not right now, Timmy. First we're going to work on fielding ground balls. Maybe later we can discuss collective bargaining.'

'Young players have a tendency to forget fundamentals over the winter.'

Succumbing to pressure from players and fans, the home plate umpire agrees to undergo on-the-spot Lasik eye surgery.

'It's OK if you want to live your sports dreams vicariously through your son, Mr. Wagner. But you'll have to do it from the bleachers.'

Baseball signs.

'You want a June wedding? -- Right in the middle of baseball season?'

"Stay back. I don't know what he's got, but I'm afraid it's catching."

'OK, Doug, don't tell Bill because he'll fire me, but everything a foot in front of my face is a blur.'

'Psssst! Ump! Wrong way!'

'Sylvia? It's Allen. Listen, I accidentally left the shop with a knee ligament kit...Yeah, yeah, I know. I am an idiot. Anyway, could you send someone out pronto with the kit for rotator cuffs?'

"Are you better off now than you were four innings ago?"

'The 3rd base coach is trying to tell you something!'

'Here is is. 'Vicarious: imagined participation in another's experience' ... it doesn't mean you actually get to play on your son's team.'

'I'm the new kid on the team. Where's my signing bonus?'

Enjoying summer baseball, D-style.

"This is the little league. You can't negotiate a signing bonus"

No Runs No Hits One Cow Left On