Baseball Enthusiasts Gifts

As senior assistant groundskeeper, Louie was responsible for dragging the infielders before every game.

"If you can get his parents to go ballistic, he can't hit a thing."

'Wait! I'm an attorney and I represent the base runner!'

A pitcher is stranded on the mound.

'... So one day I thought, hey, why walk all the way out to the mound just to take a pitcher out of the game?'

'I had no idea she was filing for divorce. It came right out of left field!!'

'The runner was safe by a mile, but the ump called him out - and the coach went ballistic.'

No hit field mouse. 'I got it!'

'I can't play too long, I think my mom is having labor day pains,'

'Take a big lead, then go ahead an jog to second base. This sloth's got a good arm...'

'I warned you, Stan. Don't show any fear. If that pitcher senses fear, he'll bean you every time.'

Thank you for not ruining the integrity of the game.

"Anybody up there need an autograph?"

'It'll take a day or two to get the parts. Meanwhile, here's a loaner.'

'Strike!'

Baseball's New On-Field Drug Counseling

"I remember when saying a ballplayer was juicing meant he chewed tobacco."

"Knuckle ball. Fork ball. Fast ball. Hair ball."

"I'm probably in the minority, but I would've loved to see Mantle on steroids."

"I am standing up straight."

"Well, no, we don't have a mascot, but we're the Lions."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

Perils of the double play.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

No Baseball

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

"Think of me as the designated sitter."