Baseball Fan Gifts

'Time out! He needs a hug!!'

"Don't try to tell me this P.E. class! Get back to your homeschooling!"

A picket line for the umpires union.

"It's the middle of the inning and the investment advisors have taken the field."

"Just remember, son, it doesn't matter whether you win or lose - unless you want Daddy's love."

'The bad news is that you have Multiple Personality Disorder - the good news is one of you is hitting .432.'

'You're caught in a pickle! It's hopeless! Drop the knife!!'

'You're in the big leagues, Sid, so suck it up. If the voices in your head are heckling you, just ignore them.'

'When does the groundskeeper get back from vacation?'

Baseball in the Trump Era

"Your inability to turn off your critical voice, combined with your fear of disappointing your overbearing, demanding father, is causing you to lose faith in your fastball."

"Hey! What's with the 'home run trot'? You struck out!"

'It's the Vikings, sire! They've obtained the technology to build pitching machines!'

'I went to give a high five - missed the other guy's hand - and hit the rim of the dugout.'

'And remember: no more errors or you'll be joining Daniel in the snake pit...'

'On that last pitch, he felt something pop in his elbow. ...I'm a little concerned.'

Television Baseball

'You mean this is it? This is the catch of the day?'

Accountants 'Specializing in ballpark figures'

'Heads up, Carl! Pinch runner!'

'He's gonna break any moment now. They're using the old 'good hop, bad hop' routine.'

'Bats.' (Baseball bats in a cave).

'...And that is why I tell you not to bunt like this.'

'He supports 3 strikes and you're out.'

"After all the signals I've given you, you still voted for the wrong candidate."

"Every year it's harder and harder to get their attention."

"Welcome to the big leagues."

"You had me worried. For one horrible moment I thought you were going to slide and soil your uniform."

"Got him up at the stadium, Chief. It was Yankee Duck Day."

"So ... how about those Mets?"

"That's right. Just toss it back. OK to toss now. Quit chewing on the bone, put the mitt on your paw, and throw it back."

"Would you get me another beer? I have the express written consent of major league baseball."

"Why not try chocolate? ...and be just like the Pros!"

"Johnson's comin' off bad on this zoom call. Real bad."

Who's on first