Young Wordsmith Gifts

'It sure didn't pay to increase my vocabulary that time!'

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Unforgettable, that's what you are... Gnat King Cole

Reading my Critics

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Cat Towels

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

Nevermore. You don't have to use "air quoths" every time.

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

'Actually, I don't get out much. I spend most of my time alone, writing lyrical novels celebrating nature and the interconnectedness of all living things!'

Best Seller

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"Swing me with your words."

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"He belongs to a lawyer."

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

Shakespeare Ave

Books vs mobile phones

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Sharp Eyes

You trip on it, you buy it.

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

'He never listened to his mother!'

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

A Poet

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

Bell Hop

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."