Future Wordsmith Gifts

"What kind of ambition is that - to be a war poet?"

Reading my Critics

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

Nevermore. You don't have to use "air quoths" every time.

Best Seller

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"Swing me with your words."

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'He's a man of few works. He likes to talk, he just has a limited vocabulary.'

Books vs mobile phones

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

A Poet

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Writing the poem was easy: there are lots of words rhyming with "snow"...

"Audacity, noun. Unrestrained impudence. Impudence... Impudence... Impudent, adjective. Marked by impertinent disrespect. Impertinent... Impertinent..."

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

"My essay is titled Essay: Educational Tool or Tired Cliche?"

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

"I'm the writer-in-residence."

Wussapalooka

Tom Stoppard

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'

Rudyard Kipling

He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon.

Emily Dickinson

Art Gecko.

"Here it is - my novel. I'll be interested to hear your compliments."

Best Seller 'Screw You'. Kiss the Author's Ass 2 PM.

'I really need to become a great poet while I still have time before I graduate.'

Writer's Block Next 10 Miles

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.