Wordsmith Wannabe Gifts

I often thought that I should have been a weaver of words,someone who danced and sang his way into peoples souls and through my imagination led others into a world of dreams and intoxicating revelry...But auditing offered a much better pension.

'Reading this grant proposal, I conclude that you must have gotten an A in creative writing.'

English major will work for food.

"When I grow up I'm going to be a ghost writer."

The Fledging Author Struggles To Find His Voice. . .

"Swing me with your words."

Nevermore. You don't have to use "air quoths" every time.

Come to bed, Snookums. In a minute. Are you still playing Scrabble? And flaming my opponents. I just crushed an eight-year-old by 100 points and then told him his parents don't love him because he's illiterate! How nice you've found a hobby. I feel so nurtured.

Man Buys Engagement Ring And Wants It Inscribed.

'I wish I could tell her how I feel about her, but the only words I know are 'eat', 'rock', 'water', and 'hit'.'

Mexicans playing Scrabble.

"Guess I'll have to. It's a cinch I can't say it with words."

Books vs mobile phones

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

Campaign for Plain English

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

Thru versus Through Traffic

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Torturing the English Language

"Meet The Author"

"She's been so creative lately."

"I didn't finish the proof but I did write this poem about my struggle."

"Do me next."

First Novels.

Edgar Allen Poe

Reading my Critics

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

A Copy Editor and His Dog

Backfire

Cut Price

"Let me slip into something a little more thoughtful."