Competitive Wordsmith Gifts

Day 2 of the senior Scrabble championships. We have a major controversy. Judges say one of the front-runners may be disqualified. They are accusing her of performance-enhancing substances. You're juiced on extra fiber. I was framed! Sadie rocks!

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

Best Seller

We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontation verbal interfacing.

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

A bar selling 'crafty' beer is more popular than a bar selling 'craft' beer.

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

You trip on it, you buy it.

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

'He never listened to his mother!'

A Poet

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

Sharp Eyes

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Bagel problems.

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

Tom Stoppard

Bell Hop

Rudyard Kipling

Male On Sunday

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

"I'm the writer-in-residence."

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'

He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon.