Competitive Wordsmith Pillows

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Shakespeare loved a grammar joke

My other car has a bumper sticker that says this on it too.

Best Seller

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

We don't call these savage screaming fits. We call them confrontation verbal interfacing.

'To err is human... but to forgive is against company policy!'

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

You trip on it, you buy it.

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

A Poet

'He never listened to his mother!'

"What's 'ET' short for. . . ?"

"Now the board will hear from Todd from Accounting with his free verse composition 'My Mistress, Brash and Beguiling – the Third Quarter Numbers.'"

Sharp Eyes

"I got into the coffee for the wordplay."

"He has to put a fiver in every time he says 'fiscal imperative' or 'target orientated processes'"

Bell Hop

Rudyard Kipling

"I'm the writer-in-residence."

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

Bagel problems.

"Wow, I cannot remember what I was saying."

Tom Stoppard

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'

Male On Sunday

'I'd better check it for punctuation before you give it to him.'

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

He's very disciplined about his writing, three hours staring at a blank screen every morning and five in the afternoon.

Art Gecko.