Wordsmith Wordplay Pillows

"The working title needs work."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"That's the guy I hired to read Proust for me."

"Staff support"

Copycats

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

Zombie standup

Ed Flanders, Deconstruction Worker

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

Campaign for Plain English

'Darling I want you to remember this always,,,'

Library sections; Fiction, non-fiction and do-it-yourself.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Thru versus Through Traffic

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"Meet The Author"

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"She's been so creative lately."