Yard Guardian Gifts

I work all day landscaping. I'm too tired to do all the yard work at home. Teddy, you're big enough to use my power tools. I know exactly who to call for help. Tap tap tap. Not the power tool I was referring to.

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

Deaths from Coronavirus

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

Garden Gnome fishing all the fish for pond.

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

"He loves his leaf blower."

"Did I show you my new climbing hydrangea plants, Mr. Fessler?... Mr. Fessler?"

Bumble Bee

'Ok..Ok...I'm putting the lawnmower back in the shed!'

"For goodness sake, not again, it's day-time but we can't see the sky: It must be another oil spill..."

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

The Gardener's Holiday: Don't leave produce behind you to perish.

Steven had a sneaky suspicion that the local birds were beginning to rely upon here.

Biodiversity

Scarecrows guarding a field

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

Fish want out of polluted river.

"Must get a longer cable."

A drooping plant is watered via an IV tube.

"Beware of God"

'It works all the time: Light a candle and dinner comes to you...'

"Relax. They're just crows."

'I prefer the term 'mobile home'.'

"Tempting, but I'm on a plastic cleanse this week."

When Fred's super deluxe leaf blower blew up yet again, he wondered where global deforestation is when you want it,

"Whoever dug up my carrots had better learn to play dead, fast."

Beware of the Lawn

Watering the garden gnome

"Sometimes Bob just needs a little motivation to get things done around here!"

I know it's you that's been digging up my garden. I certainly didn't put those rose bushes in.

"We wish we could drink the water."

"Why do humming birds hum? Because they don't know the lyrics."

"Nice job with the petunias, Skip. They're a perfect complement to the trip wires."