Worship Entertainer Gifts

Applause

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Vishnu playing twin neck guitar.

Drive-thru Church

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

'We are gathered here...'

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Church: Open Sundays

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

Fitness in church.

"Sosa's great, but McGwire is my hero."

'Sorry, Bobo. With all the e-mailed jokes today, office clowns are passe.'

'This sermon will run a little longer because it's a sermon about sermons that run a little long.'

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

'I'd like to leave the priesthood to marry you, Sister Agnes, but I hate to leave show biz!'

Ed's super-romantic but he's always a police detective. He calls our love 'consensual identity theft.'

Church Parking

'It's girl power - she sacked her manager.'

"Wow. Tough cloud."

'I know you haven't seen me.. your last sermon was so good, it lasted me an entire year!'

'As a professional discount, I require you to say only two hail Marys.'

'Mom! Can my role model stay for dinner? He's suspended for three games and has nowhere to go.'

Sermon about 20 minutes

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

Sunday sermon: 'Dearly beloved, restore our faith in the almighty dollar.'