Ecumenical Entertainer Gifts

Sermon - why our religion is really better than yours.

"Extreme miming"

St. Elmo's fired.

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

The ten ammendments

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'Don't you ever knock?'

'We are gathered here...'

Applause

Wow. You're amazing!

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

"It also doubles as a karaoke machine."

Pottery Slam

"Let there be light hors d'oeuvres."

'Now, where was I when the lectern collapsed?'

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

"So Jesus, what denomination are you?"

'Sorry, Bobo. With all the e-mailed jokes today, office clowns are passe.'

Catholic-Protestant Debates....

'I'd like to leave the priesthood to marry you, Sister Agnes, but I hate to leave show biz!'

Tom Waits.

Adult Magician

'The Book of Revelation is full of spoilers.'

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

'Put the kettle on, Doreen.'

Priest reads sign above fire extinguisher that says: 'In case of quenchable fire, break glass'.

'It's girl power - she sacked her manager.'

"O.K., so no animals were harmed, but were they adequately compensated?"

Placed by the Gideons

"I get great reception this way."

Mime artist - "Ok! I'll talk!"

Papal Pranks

There's no need to behave like a wild animal...but it's FUN!!!

"Unless you can prove their training was cruelty-free, you don't have a chance in this business."