Worrier's Club Gifts

Worry tank

They hated me.

Nervous Oral Testing

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

"Returning to standard time is always difficult. I gain an hour of worrying."

Thinking and thinking backwards.

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

'I'm not convinced you need tranquillizers to switch phone provider.'

"It used to be that if you worried about unseen forces you were considered paranoid. Now you're a security expert."

Nervous Kid sees the dentist's toolkit.

"But why not be happy about all the diseases you don't have?"

'Aunt Joan and Uncle Wally took Luci to the emergency room.'

Concern Chart

No Action Comics

'You worry too much. Next time something goes wrong, try blaming someone else.'

"It's just until the air conditioning in our house is fixed."

Things can only get worse...

I didn't experience any of the side effects listed in the enclosed literature. Should I be concerned?'

'Aren't you done yet? This is taking forever! I should have went somewhere else!...'

'Nothing to be alarmed about Mrs.Harvey, kids do this sort of things all the time. I'm sure whatever your Jimmy's gotten lodged up there, we can get it out.'

"I can't believe school starts next week. The first math exam is gonna be a killer! Then in six weeks, report cards! I'll probably be grounded!"

'You can't take it with you so I'm sending it on ahead.'

"So apart from stop being 'lying hypocritical uncaring bastards who'd promise anything to get back in power'...is there anything else we might do to secure your vote?"

Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder

"This is where I get most of my negative thinking done."

'Just taking precautions in case the plumber doesn't come before the house sinks!'

JB doesn't like to see anybody that's stressful.

'It's only hypochondria, but it's a very virulent FORM of it.'

Golden handshake old redundancy port.

"You should make a resolution not to worry about the little things..."

'Someday, son, all this will be divided among your ex-wives.'

"You'd tell me if I was genetically modified?"

'I'm worried about job security and I don't even have a job yet!'