Worried Parents Club Gifts

"I don't know, Tia Carmen. All these outside forces influencing Baldo and Gracie...they scare me. Bad TV, crazy friends, drugs everywhere..."

Worry tank

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

That's my daughter, Alayna

"He won't eat anything but corn."

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

'Run around with sharp objects and you'll poke an eye out!'

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

"If you're going to drink, we'd rather you do it in the house where we can party with you."

Chip and Fran Cooper: The Most Embarrassing Parents in the World.

'Either switch off his batteries or take 'em out!'

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

'I don't worry about anything. My Mom does all the worrying for me.'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

'We had to toddler proof the tree this year.'

"Phew! It's only Saturday night fever."

'It's sad to think of raising him in a world with looming tort reform.'

"I still think we should go higher than Factor 0.5."

"How soon can I start her on fad diets?"

"They'll come home. They're microchipped."

My child was student of the month...But that was a long time ago.

"Okay! I'm letting go! Just stay straight! Do not get hurt! Your mother will never forgive me!!"

'I wish you wouldn't carry knives in your trousers - they make such holes in your pockets!'

Parent-Teacher Conferences: 'The bad news is your son failed every test I gave this term. The good news is that we know he's not abusing any mind-expanding drugs.'

New parents refusing to change their baby's nappy

'Make sure you stay in the shallow end.'

'That little fella has quite a burp on him!'

The Anxious School Drop Off

'My mother signed my report card, but it got smudged by her tears.'

I have two teenagers that text!

"Mom, is this lunch supplying me with the recommended daily allowance of microplastics?"

"I sometimes think my mom hovers too much."

Keep away from our Doreen.

Uncertain Future