Workweek Warrior Gifts

"The first day back is always the worst."

'...and now I suppose they'll expect a day off for EVERY Jubilee!'

Boss to secretary: Be careful, Miss Fabersham. Remember, the love of Monday is the root of all evil.

'I detest the 'TGIF' saying. For me, Monday is just another exciting work day....hoping the weekend will speed by and Monday will start another great work week!'

Frank, what happened? For years I've been married to my job ... and it just ran off with a younger man! My boss said it's puzzling that I'm burned out when I've never been on fire. Ernie, I don't understand how I get to be my age so fast when it always seems to take forever for Friday to come!

I hate Mondays and now I'm developing an aversion to Tuesdays!

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

BUS, 'I don't hate Mondays -- I FEAR Mondays!'

I don't like mondays

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

Glastonbury. After.

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

I could have danced all night!

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

'T.M.I.F.'

37 years in the same position.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

Low-Energy Drinks

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'