Workstation Wizard Gifts

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'As you know, Lord, Larry just loved his little cubicle.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"We only got six days of funding."

'You'll have to take an online company aptitude test, but if you're the designer we're looking for, you've already designed an app for that.'

"Why do you need so many computers?" "One for billing, one for stock control, one for human resources, one for financial management..."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"Lovely dovetail."

'I have a homepage, therefore I am.'

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

"It's my intelligence, talent and hard work that have got me to the top."

'I don't understand. You've wasted the whole interview going on and on about what you know... I think you'd better start telling me who you know.'

Optical Illusion Supply Company.

Waiting for retirement.

Targets.

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

Gerald Ratner's return

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

'I can beat my own drum but it'll be counting on your to toot my horn.'

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

The Move.

Tech support...can I help you!

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

This is Pandora, our new Content Manager.

"Yeah, I keep a clean desk. Now all the mess is in the computer!"

Start the session by doing something unusual.

The password: "C'mon everybody try to remember!"

Dad's Workbench

Manual Labor.

'Sander's a bit high isn't it?'

'I guess this is what we get for going to a discount web-page designer.'

'Your father installed a security system.'