Workplace Values Gifts

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Others will fight for you

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

Do Not Resuscitate

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

Bo're'droom

'Apparently, Smith's desk just couldn't withstand the weight of the paperwork we piled on his desk.'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

A disgruntled employee chain-sawes hois boss's desk in two.Boss says:'Alright Smith, I'll stop referring to the employees as 'oopsy daisies'.'

"I drink just enough coffee to make me think I can do my job."

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'What's wrong now?'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'I'm afraid you don't have the leadership qualities we're seeking.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Look at them smiling. They've reached their comfort zone."

"It's crazy here! They're all on recreational rugs."

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere.'