Workplace Ethics Gifts

'I can't believe you'd accuse us of age discrimination. At your age, you ought to know better.'

Suggestion Box: Get back to work.

"He said it's all about holding on to tradition while embracing the future. I told him to keep his hands to himself."

'I've always wanted to ask him if he's an 'illegal,' but I don't want to get caught up in the whole racial profiling thing.'

'Would you be interested in putting in a little undertime?'

"But this is what sexual harassment has cost us."

'We have a new duty of candour, so let's be clear...Whistleblowers will have their careers flushed down the toilet.'

Merchant Bankers - Patience is a virtue, anyone displaying it will be dismissed

"I want you to prepare a business ethics presentation. If you don't have the time steal it off the internet."

"She was fired three months ago. . . so we all chipped in to pay for her to stay."

'Our overseas workers will sue us because of exploitation?! Are you freaking kidding me? These folks aren't even old enough to buy a beer!'

"Is it a double standard if it's only applied half the time?"

"Threatening to 'rip their throats out' isn't quite what our 'working with whistle blowers' training is about!"

Others will fight for you

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

'Today is the tomorrow I feared yesterday. . .'

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

Water company bonus.

"I can carry more pollen back to the hive that way..."