Management Ethics Gifts

"But won't absconding with the company's funds cast the board in a bad light?"

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

Ethics exam cheater.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

Squeezing the Free Press.

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

Others will fight for you

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

"Think you're pretty manly, eh? OK, put the gun down and let's have a fair fight."

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

'Loved your bit on market share, Felton - perfect blend of plausibility and outright deception.'

"He's the chief watchdog, who watches over all the other watchdogs—but this must be his night off."

What We Thought Were Canals Are Deep Prejudices and Inequities.

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"Yes, you have given 100% to this company. But, over the five years you've worked here that's only 20% a year."

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'Is it guilt that when you eat us that we are no longer called pigs but bacon, pork chops or ham?'

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"Bill is in charge of our Ethics Department."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'This is from a post-ethics phase.'

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'