Business Ethics Philosopher Gifts

"The good news is that your sexual harassment expenses are still deductible."

"Good news! Your bankruptcy is only moral."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"When faced with a tricky ethical issue, I always ask the question, 'What's in it for me?'"

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"Actually, the district office is getting better results with a fresh garlic bagel."

Feedback should be sought for genuine reasons, not because you want compliments. . .

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'This is Harris, he's been with the firm some 45 years!'

"Ahh... don't you just LOVE that new, re-organized-under-bankruptcy-protection smell?"

Water company bonus.

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

"At First Infidelity we're all about integrity...."

"Hi, Bob - your consultants have just arrived."

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Please remember, it's not a lie if it turns a profit.'

Experience is important, so I'm inclined to leave questions of ethics to those who have them.

'We're getting back to first principles...which means we're going to have some.'

'The bad news is that our company is bankrupt. The good news is that we're only morally bankrupt.'

"Unlike other companies, we are going to take the high road through this rough time, even if, at some point, we're obliged to raid the employee pension fund! Is everybody clear on that?"

'I never wanted the best years of your life Clayton - just a few good days would do.'

If business gets any worse I'll have to start laying off relatives.

"Sir, your greed is showing."

"You're allowed to think outside the box, as long as you stay inside the margins."

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"