Business Ethics Guru Gifts

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

'One final question: Have you ever been disciplined, investigated or suspended for integrity on the job?'

Water company bonus.

'There's too much corruption in the third world.'

'Don't laugh Ms. Newborn, but I want you to proof this for 'accuracy'.'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

'You've become like a son to me, Alvin. But the company has strict rules against nepotism, so I have to let you go.'

'Nothing about the evils of corporate downsizing?'

"Whoa! Back up a second... 'R & D' stands for 'Research & Development?' We always thought it meant 'Rip-off & Distribute!'"

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'I recommend this to get rid of that stupid little voice whispering 'Don't forget to act ethical and responsible'!

'The rich get richer and the poor get poorer. That's a wonderful mission statement.'

"We need to make some cuts. We’ll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

'Great, and I'll also need some mirrors.'

'I don't care if you are the CEO of a large oil company, you can't claim your soul as a business loss.'

'Before we start, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Now hold on, Mike. You're talking about embezzlement! And unless I'm very mistaken, that's strictly prohibited in the company's employee handbook!'

'I'm not authorized to talk about that...I'll have to patch you through to our department of unspeakable evil.'

'Why yes, the resume is a very important basis for who we hire.'

Nepotism

'You US firms think that money can buy everything...but what price an you put on loyalty, integrity, how could you compensate me for losing my friends?'

'Your numbers are WAY off...I'd like to see them SLIGHTLY less off.'

Larry's snout was as clean as a whistle...this made some a little edgy.

"Actually, sir, I’ve found that the shortest distance between two points is money."

'Not to toot my own horn, but I'm widely considered to be the spiritual godfather of all the corrupt, arrogant, obscenely overpaid and ultimately disastrous CEOs so prevalent in the past hundred years!'

"My company sells military goods and information to unsavory characters around the world, and donates 100% of our profits to local charities!"

'And get this: just when I thought the worst was over, the media blasts me for 'opportunistic, predatory business tactics!' Boy, did THAT sting!'

"Generally accepted accounting practices weren't as generally accepted as I thought."

"In this company, GDP stands for gree, deception and profit."

'We're looking for a 'temp' employee to serve time in Leavenworth.'

"We'll discuss the ethics of the matter if you're sure you want to open that can of worms."

CEO slumber